You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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