He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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