so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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