Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
