Your tits are I can't wait for
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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