My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
