i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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