she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
