I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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