is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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