it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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