the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
