she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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