Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
