a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Randomize
