And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize