Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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