Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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