So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize