ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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