Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
