i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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