Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
