Me too!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
