Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
