on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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