My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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