Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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