it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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