So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
