The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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