yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
