She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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