So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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