hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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