You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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