Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
