i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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