I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
