Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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