if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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