You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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