I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
