fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
