One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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