dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
