I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
