no, he came in my armpit
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
