I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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