The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
