at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
foreskin is a definite game changer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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