dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
