I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
