i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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