Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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