Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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