his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
