It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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