Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
