Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
